It is a little over two months since I arrived in Arizona to help my mother after the death of my father. I have not lived this long away from NY since my 3-month residency at the Headlands Center for the Arts in California back in 2002. I miss my solo life in NY. But despite the challenges of going back to sharing a life with my mother, I am glad I am here for her. I spend my time helping her with the day-to-day activities of driving her on errands, shopping, cooking, and keeping up the house my parents built together, out here in Arizona, after retiring from the East Coast. I am especially focused on caring for my father’s atrium garden. His pride and joy. We are currently bagging clothes for donation, and listing nicer items on sites like Facebook Marketplace and Poshmark to sell. All in preparation for selling the house, and moving my mom to a 55 and older community nearby, where I have been swimming three days a week.
There is a structure to living with my mother that I am not used to, beyond my previous one-week holiday visits. Back in NY, I keep a more flexible open agenda so I have as much time as possible to work in my studio. Here, I focus on writing grant and exhibition applications while my mother rests after her outings to get her hair cut, nails done, and to attend the never-ending doctor visits. Nighttime after 8:00 has become our favorite and most relaxing time of day. When I prepare us both a cup of soothing herbal tea as we ease into the plush, but aging couch with Cleo, a half Havanese and half Maltese mix of a fluffy, plump, lovable lap dog to pet as we escape into Period streaming series of The Gilded Age, Bridgerton, Blood of my Blood, and now Wolf Hall. They provide wonderful eye candy with the elaborate costumes and sets, and a chance for us to review the history that inspired these shows, with a documentary here and there.
This has helped us both move through this liminal time of transition together. My mother, her friends, and family have all been grateful for my being out here for her. I am glad I was able to make it happen. And I am confident that the community of friends, Temple members, and family across the country will, in a small way over time, help fill the void left by the man with whom she spent 68 of her 84 years on this earth.
Best In Travel,
Michele
